4 Mistakes You Make When Asking For Advice

Wherever you look and whoever you ask, you will get the answer that one of the best ways to improve your knowledge is to get help from someone more experienced than you. Communities like STM are extremely helpful, and they can get you in touch with some of the top people in the online marketing world. And that means you can get significant help from some of them!

Yet even with this great opportunity, many lack some basic communication skills, and don’t know how to ask for help in ways that are likely to get them a positive response. The good news is that there are many good ways. And that there are only a few very common mistakes to avoid.

Mistake 1: Asking vague “How do I make this work?” questions.

You have to be very detailed with about your current situation and where you are stuck. Simply asking on the forum or in a PM how to make money online will just get you ignored and everyone will mentally red flag you as someone who will waste their time.

Mistake 2: Long message.

Although you have to be detailed, your very first message shouldn’t be a novel. Briefly explain your experience, topic you need help with, why you think that person can help if it’s a personal message, and start a conversation. Don’t write 100% of your questions, what ifs, worries etc. and expect the other person to spend hours answering your uber-long message.

Mistake 3: “Me, me, me” tone or entitlement mindset.

When you ask for help, it is of course about you. But there’s a world of difference between a message that comes from someone with entitlement mindset and someone who is sincerely asking for help. I’ve encountered both personal messages and public posts where all people talked about was themselves instead of the specific problem, leaving the actual problem at the end of a rant of how unfair everything is, and how they don’t understand how someone so skilled can’t make it work. Reality is that we humans suck at estimating our skill, and we should just go with the live feedback we get, whilst always trying to improve.

If you blame everything but yourself for failures, it is a waste of time for someone to help you, since you are not looking for the right thing to fix (Hint: It’s your mindset).

Mistake 4: Playing the pity card.

If you ask someone for help while trying to make them feel sorry for you, it’s a big mistake. People like helping others that have potential. Helping people feels good, and it boosts ego. It also is the start of a relationship that can turn very advantageous to both.

However, if you are playing the pity card, it  waves a big red flag! If you don’t have the strength to push through hard times, and sound helpless, you are unlikely to be able to provide value in the future to the person who helps you now.

Have you ever asked for help? Did you make any of these mistakes? Try and message those people again, fixing your initial message, and let me know if the response rate increased 😉

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Emanuel Cinca, aka Manu

My story starts in Lipova, Romania, a town of about 10,000 inhabitants, where I was born in a working class family. Growing up in a family that had a shaky financial base and relied solely on month to month wages, and sometimes on short term loans from friends, I knew that I a) didn’t want to get a regular job EVER, and b) I want to have true financial independence.

Fast forward to my high school days, I got admitted into the number one high school of Arad county, “Moise Nicoara” National College. Don’t ask me why they call it a college, that’s just the translation from Romanian. I had a passion for technology and computers, so it seemed natural that I wanted to get into the so called informatics class.

The 4 years here taught me that:

1. Where you come from has little to no impact on your ability to learn, your skills and their value

2. Being number one high school is overrated

3. In the standard educational system, you are not allowed to excel at something, until you have proven to be above average at everything else.

4. Grades are an extremely flawed measurement of someone’s skills

5. I know myself better than anyone else, so I should make my decisions, not anyone else, and I should be OK with the consequences.

These learnings will be reflected in some of my posts here.

After high school, I quit University after 2 months in… TWICE! One time I quit Computers and Information Technology, and the second time I quit Business Administration.

During these years I also developed a passion for poker. I was a content producer at the world’s biggest online poker school for 2 years, and I wrote a book with a Maths professor from Nottingham and TT, who also blogs here. The book is called The Education of a Modern Poker Player.

I moved to Vienna in 2013, at TT’s initiative, and had several failed ventures together, all leading up to what is now Adefy.

I have a keen interest in psychology and in data, which makes performance marketing such a great industry for me. I blog about these topics, sometimes adding education, personal development, and management to the mix.

Interested in: Psychology. Marketing. Management. Investing. Startups. Entrepreneurship.

Hobbies: Reading. Fitness. Football. Travelling.

Connect with me:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emanuelcinca

Twitter: https://twitter.com/manu_adefy

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/emanuel.cinca.35

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